After months of hard work, I have completed the initial draft of lyrics for the first Death Erection song, currently entitled "Burn Dem Church." Death Erection is the first ever black rap band, combining elements of black metal and gangsta rap to form the next musical revolution. As of now, the band is comprised of 4Bit (rap vocals, harsh vocals, bass guitars), DJ Zen (samples), and Noah Martin (lead guitars, backing vocals), who currently does not have a rap name. We are also looking for a drummer to help drop mad drum beats over our mind altering turntable riffs. Death Erection's lyrics reference the all important issue of burning churches in the club, turning the lyrical content of black metal and gangsta rap into something modern and culturally significant, while our imagine will consist of hoodies and corpse paint. The name comes from the very serious problem in modern society regarding post-mortum erections that come from hanging. It's a fascinating read on Wikipedia for anyone who has interest in such important phenomenon. Death Erection is the revolution, and black rap is the future! Let me know if you are interested in reading the lyrics. Due to excessive profanity, controversial themes, and mind bending philosophy, I will not post the lyrics on this site, but ask me at school for a lyric sheet if you want a sneak peek at the next great revolution in music.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. I never go on this site, and I doubt anyone reads my entries. I guess I just need to vent, and I don't really have anyone in particular to talk to. I don't really even know where I'm headed with this. I suppose I just simply need to write out my thoughts, and I could care less if anyone reads it. I suppose I've just been thinking a lot about how I became who I am, and why I'm such a shy person. I don't mean for this to be a life story, and most of what I plan to write is stuff I've never told anyone before. I guess secrets come with being an only child, as I spend a lot of time in thought and isolation. I don't think of myself as having a bad life. In fact, I am beyond thankful for the great people, places, and things I've grown up around. I love life, and I feel like I have a great one. I know I shouldn't complain, and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. I won't let myself do that because I feel like I am the only one in charge of my life, and only I should be to blame if I have problems. Right now I am in therapy trying to get that philosophy out of my head. For the last few weeks, I have been undergoing child abuse therapy, and that has caused me to think about the things in my life that have shaped me, particularly my flaws. The fact that this even affects me makes me feel like a wimp, and I want to be stronger than that, but there are times when it affects me to the point where I consider suicide. I've gotten to the point where I don't know what's normal. I feel like I'm seeing the outside world for the first time and truly realizing that I have not had the same life as everyone else. I guess I'm starting to learn why some people can be outgoing and social while I just want to sit in my corner and ignore the rest of the world. I suppose that's why I love my friends so much, and I cherish the times we spend together. I have friends that accept me for who I am, even with my many flaws, and those are the only times where I feel like I can have contact with other people who aren't out to criticize me. I have the greatest friends in the world, and I would literally do anything for them. I guess I value there lives far more than my own. I am a completely different person when I'm around my friends, and I like to think that that's the real me. I also realize that no one else has seen the other side of me. I've spent a large portion of my life sitting in my room crying, blasting music to make me think that there is another world out there. I know it shouldn't affect me. I know I deserve to die for even letting something as insignificant as yelling cause me to become socially inept. However, it's hard for to think different when you have someone close to you telling you you're stupid, nothing, idiotic, and a waste of space. After 10+ years of having that yell at me multiple times a week, I'm starting to believe it. After all, when it happens that much and for reasons I can't understand, some of it has to be me. I'm not even smart enough to know why I get yelled at, and I'm not strong enough to take it. I just feel like I really am a waste of space that people do things for me out of sympathy. Quite honestly, I don't understand why I even have friends that care about me. I just don't feel like I'm worth it. I can't even look an adult straight in the eye and shake their hand. I can't go up to a teacher and ask for help. I'm simply too scared. There is an instinct about me that causes me to think that adults will pick out my flaws and yell at me. After all, my father does. Why should anyone else act differently? I just wish I could go up to an adult and see them as a real human being. That's why I don't speak in class. I see teachers as my dad. They are all just people waiting for me to mess up and then tell me I'm worthless. I've learned to hide my flaws. I'm almost never sad, angry, or depressed when I'm at school or with my friends. I can't be. I can't be weak in front of people I care about. After all, weakness only causes more yelling. I'm used to getting yelled at and having things thrown at me for showing weakness. That's the way I was raised. I can't take criticism, and I know my father is right in saying I will never amount to anything because of it. I don't know why I believe it, but I do. I try to think rationally, but sometimes I simply can't. Things just are the way they are, and I realize that I can't understand everything. Often, I feel like I don't understand anything. I know my family would be better off without me. All I am is a lightning rod for anger, and my dad wouldn't be angry if I wasn't around. My mom wouldn't cry if I wasn't around. I know my dad only tries to love me because he feels he has to. He only apologizes when my mom tells him to, and even then he blames it me. Then again, I blame it on myself too. He doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. It's unfortunate that I see every adult as him. I even have a hard time going to friend's houses because of it. I know that if I'm with a friend, I'm safe. If I lock myself in my room, I can't get yelled it. Being with friends is the only thing more comforting than isolation to me, and I feel like I have an obligation to treat everyone with as much kindness and respect as I can. I guess I feel like I have to do that because I know I'm chore to be around. I don't want to sound emo because I really do love life. I cherish the moments I spend with friends, the moments I spend writing about music, and the moments I spend outside of my isolated corner. I want to live, and I've never considered suicide as a way out of my pain. I've considered suicide as a way out of the pain others feel while being around the failure that I am. I felt like if I can get past what my dad said about me, I wouldn't be a failure. However, I feel like I've failed. I know this was a poorly written wall of text about basic things that everyone goes through, but I guess I'm just not strong enough to take it. If you actually read through this shit, then I suppose you are a true friend and the reason I am still alive today.

1. Smoked. [ ]
2. Consumed alcohol. [ ]
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. [ ]
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. [x]
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. [ ]
6. Had sex. [ ]
7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x]
8. Watched porn. [x] (have i seen it? yes. do i voluntarily watch it? no)
9. Bought porn. [ ]
10. Done drugs. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 3

1. Taken painkillers. [ ]
2. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [x] (my mom gave me the wrong medication on accident)
3. Lied to your parents. [x]
4. Lied to a friend. [x]
5. Been to rehab. [ ]
6. Done something illegal. [x]
7. Cut yourself. [ ]
8. Hurt someone. [x]
9. Been to a club. [ ]
10. Seen someone die. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 7

1. Missed curfew. [ ] (i don't really have a definite curfew to miss)
2. Stayed out all night. [ ]
3. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. [ ]
4. Been to a therapist. [ ]
5. Snuck out of the house. [ ]
6. Dyed your hair. [ ] (everyone thinks i did, but the white spots in my hair are natural)
7. Received a ticket. [ ]
8. Been in an accident. [ ]
9. Wished someone to die. [ ]
10. Been to a bar. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 7

1. Been to a wild party. [ ] (unless william's count as wild...)
2. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ]
3. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ]
4. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ]
5. Sniffed anything. [ ]
6. Wore black nail polish. [ ]
7. Wore arm bands. [ ]
8. Wore t-shirts with band names. [x]
9. Listened to rap. [x] (immortal technique owns all)
10. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ] (it's a toss up between that and suicide)
TOTAL SO FAR: 9

1. Dressed Gothic. [ ]
2. Dressed prep.[ ]
3. Dressed punk. [ ]
4. Dressed grunge. [ ]
5. Stole something. [ ]
6. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ]
7. Blacked out. [x] (does a seizure count?)
8. Fainted. [x]
9. Had a crush on a neighbor. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 11

1. Snuck into someone else's room. [ ]
2. Had a crush on your friend. [x]
3. Been to a concert. [x]
4. Dry-humped someone. [ ]
5. Been called a slut. [ ]
6. Called someone a slut. [x] (not to their face, but i've referred to certain girls at our school as sluts)
7. Installed speakers in your car.[ ] (i wish...)
8. Broken a mirror. [ ]
9. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [ ]
10. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. [x]
TOTAL SO FAR: 15

1. Consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ] (once again, it's a toss up between that and suicide)
2. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [x]
3. Cruised the mall. [x]
4. Skipped school. [ ]
5. Had surgery. [x] (do wisdom teeth count?)
6. Had an injury. [x]
7. Gone to court. [ ]
8. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. [ ]
9. Caught something on fire. [ ]
10. Lied about your age. [x]
TOTAL SO FAR: 20

1. Owned/rented an apartment. [ ]
2. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ]
3. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. [ ]
4. Got in trouble with the police. [ ]
5. Talked to a stranger. [x]
6. Hugged a stranger. [ ]
7. Kissed a stranger. [ ]
8. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ]
9. Been harassed. [x]
10. Been verbally harassed. [x]
TOTAL SO FAR: 23

1. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. [x] (my friend's ex-gf, who i talked to online prior to meeting her)
2. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. [x]
3. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. [ ]
4. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x] (i've watched sporting events that have gone on longer than that...)
5. Been to a fair. [x] (what's so bad about that?)
6. Been called a bad influence. [x] (all the time because i'm atheist metalhead)
7. Drink and drive. [ ]
8. Prank-called someone. [x] (will's sister)
9. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. [ ]
10. Cheated on a test. [ ]
TOTAL SO FAR: 29

-If You Have Less Then 10..write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10..write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad kid.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]

That's about what I expected. I've been called a devil child before, but I don't think I'm that bad of a person...

It's true. I guess I've just been busy doing other things..

Anyway, I got my driver's license today. I was nervous as hell, but somehow passed with an 86. I completed failed parallel parking though...

Also, if anyone is interested, the new Serj Tankian video came out recently, and it owns. System of a Down hasn't really done anything great since "Toxicity" in 2001, so it's great that Serj is releasing solo stuff that removes all of the problems of their last few releases. The song is entitled "Empty Walls," and it features a very well done anti-war video and message. For those who care, here's a link to it:

[link]

Yeah, so that's about it. Now I have to go mow the lawn before my dad gets angry...

Ultimate Music Survey

Favorites

What is your favorite genre of music?: metal, alternative rock, and classic rock
Why?: because I have weird taste in music
Name your favorite band(s): Red Hot Chili Peppers, In Flames, Killswitch Engage, Lacuna Coil, Ayreon, Porcupine Tree, Rush, Nightwish, etc.
Name your favorite solo artist(s): Weird Al Yankovic, Ozzy Osbourne, K-OS, Johnny Cash, etc.
What is your favorite album?: "The Human Equation" by Ayreon
What is your favorite album cover?: either "Century Child" by Nightwish or "Paradise Lost" by Symphony X.
Name your favorite song(s): "Nemo" by Nightwish, "Black" by Pearl Jam, "Rose of Sharyn" by Killswitch Engage, "The Sound of Muzak" by Porcupine Tree "Hurt" by Johnny Cash, etc.
Favorite CD you own: "The Human Equation" by Ayreon
Favorite song on your computer: "Nemo" by Nightwish
Favorite song you DON'T have: "Slaves Shall Serve" by Behemoth
Favorite lyrics: "Black" by Pearl Jam
Favorite vocalist: Christian Alvestam (Scar Symmetry)
Favorite guitarist: Dave Mustaine (Megadeth)
Favorite bassist: Les Claypool (Primus)
Favorite drummer: Neil Peart (Rush)
Favorite instrumentalist (any instrument not mentioned above): Janne Wirman (Children of Bodom)- keyboards
Favorite classical / jazz composer: Bach
Favorite rapper: K-OS
Favorite theatrical score: The Lord of the Rings
Favorite of anything not mentioned: Devin Townsend (Strapping Young Lad, The Devin Townsend Band)- favorite overall musician

The bad stuff

What's your least favorite genre of music?: "gangsta" rap
Who's your least favorite band?: Insane Clown Posse
Who's your least favorite solo artist?: Snoop Dogg
Who do you think is the most annoying musician?: Fred Durst
If you could shoot any "artist" or "band", who would it be?: Insane Clown Posse
Who do you think is the least talented?: 50 Cent
Least favorite song: "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas
Most annoying song: "I Want Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco
Most repetative song: "This is Why I'm Hot" by Mims
Last song to be stuck in your head: "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit
Did this survey just get that song stuck in your head again? (sorry): unfortunately...
Worst band that used to be good?: Metallica
A good band that used to suck?: Pantera

Your musical background

What was the first music you remember listening to?: stupid Radio Disney "music"
What type of music do your parents listen to?: my dad listens to metal and my mom listens to Elvis
Do you play any musical instruments, or sing? If so, elaborate.: bass guitar
Do you take lessons for instruments or voice? If so, for how long?: no
Do you plan to / have you gone to college for music?: no, although I may pursue a career as a music critic
Who are your musical inspirations?: Devin Townsend, Les Claypool, Arjen Lucassen, Geddy Lee,
Who was your first favorite band or artist?: Linkin Park
Who is your most recent favorite band or artist?: Red Hot Chili Peppers
What styles of music are you interested in learning about?: I'm trying to get into more rap and classical
What styles of music do you already know a lot about?: metal and alternative rock
Do you know much about musical theory? If not, would you like to?: somewhat, but I would like to study it farther
If you take lessons, do you like your teacher(s)?: I don't take lessons
How many different music teachers do you have, or have you had?: none

This or that

Classical or jazz?: classical
Classic rock or modern rock?: classic
Rock or Rap?: rock
Emo or Punk?: punk
Funk or Blues?: blues
Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin?: Pink Floyd
Bob Marley or Michael Franti?: Bob Marley
Coldplay or Radiohead?: Radiohead
Guster or Dispatch?: Guster
John Mayer or Jack Johnson?: Jack Johnson
Eminem or 50 Cent?: Eminem
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?: neither
Backstreet Boys or N'SYNC?: neither
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?: The Beatles
Beethoven or Mozart?: Mozart
Rachmaninoff or Debussy?: Debussy
Duke Ellington or Count Basie?: Duke Ellington
Electric or acoustic?: both
Mandolin or ukulele?: mandolin
Saxophone or trumpet?: saxophone

Miscelaneous

Why do you like music?: too many reasons to name
When you're angry, what type of music do you listen to?: metal, usually death or melodeath
Has music ever made you cry? When?: Jonny Cash's cover of "Hurt" made me shed a tear
Has music ever made you laugh? When?: Weird Al, Devin Townsend, and Richard Cheese have all made me laugh
Do you like local music?: some
What is the best show you have ever been to?: Ozzfest 2007
Have you ever played in any shows?: no
If so, what type of music was it?: none
Do you enjoy being on stage?: haven't tried it
Do you like to sing, even if you don't consider yourself a singer?: yes, but I suck at singing
If you could meet any musician and ask them for advice, who would it be?: Devin Townsend
If you could just chill with any musician, who would it be?: Devin Townsend
What instrument that you don't play now would you like to learn next?: I'd rather just master bass, although I'd be interested to try guitar
Do you like foreign types of music? If so, what types?: most of the music I listen to comes from Europe, usually indie rock and metal